Drafted

  This is my "Nanay", Lola Nimfa, from our father's side. She was gone in year 2021. Time flies so fast that we never noticed she's not with us for almost 4 years already. I miss her angry yells every morning shouting, "Magsibangon na nga kayo riyan, para kayong mga anak mayaman ah!"  Before, at 7am we are woken up from bed. When she's gone, I am waking up at 10am or so.  Our Lola doesn't want some hugs from her 'gurang na apo'. She was like, "Ano ba!" with her angry tone, which makes me giggle. I love teasing her even when I feel sleepy.  Sometimes, she doesn't want any help when she's washing her clothes. But as I watch her, I kept asking her to even help her rinse them with water. Still, she refuses. What I do is wait for her til she can't even hold the steel handle of the 'poso'. I tell her, "Nay, tulungan na kita d'yan magbomba ng tubig." Well, what do you think, she's tired already and can...

  "Napakasipag naman nito! Tagapagmana ka ata ng kompanya eh?" "Pahinga ka naman saglit. Masyado mong ginagalingan eh." "Tama na 'yan, galawang 'minimum wage' lang dapat tayo dito." "Eto si ano, parang diko ata nakikitang nag-iidle." "Hindi kayo binigyan ng incentive dun? Di ako papayag pag sa'kin ginawa yan." ~~ Nag-iidle naman ako, siguro pag pansin kong nakarami na at kapag pagod na. Hindi naman sa feeling ko magiging tagapagmana ako ng kompanya kaya sinisipagan ko. Hindi naman porket hindi nagrereklamo eh mahina o takot na. Hindi naman porket 'minimum wage' lang sinasahod mo eh ganun narin dapat magreflect sa output mo.  Sinisipagan ko kasi ayun lang maooffer ko sa company na tumanggap sakin kahit na nag-aaral pa ako 'nung 2023 na nag-apply ako. Nagtitiyaga akong aralin lahat kasi from zero experience ako at kasi may dahilan ako-- ang pamilya ko. Lahat naman siguro tayo may dahilan kaya lumalaban. Siguro ...

  Every now and then, I tend to relapse days before my menstrual period came. Today, at 8am, I just woke up and decided to write my first blog at 9am. Reminded myself to look at my fingers having some tiny wounds from handwashing our clothes last night, using a strong bleach. My body aches from working the whole afternoon yesterday. Then I realized, maybe my body is taking its time to tell me to rest for a while. I remembered that in these past few days, I'm emotionally drained from things that happened so fast. Tired from going to office and going home. Tired from thinking of ways to fit our small budget every 15 days. Tired from thinking whether to resign and look for other companies that gives high salary. Tired from my wishful thinking to transfer to a different neighborhood and have our own home. Tired from the responsibilities that is given from me, and them not asking me if I'm still okay or them for not apologizing for making me carry all their burdens of responsibiliti...